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Tuesday March 26, 2019
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Stupid Client Quote #3142



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i_hate_morons | posted 07-04-2005 | Number of Votes: 176  |  Current Rating: 4.32   

I worked at a microprocessor company starting with the letter R, reporting to a guy whose initials were SK.

The guy had zero experience with managing sofware projects. He had taken one programming class in college thirty years ago, and somehow he thought this qualified him to manage a software development group.

This is a typical conversation with SK:

SK: Okay, I want you to do project B.
Me: I'm already doing project A. Do you want me to put project A on hold, to cancel it?
SK: We're not canceling it
Me: Ok, then we're putting it on hold?
SK: No, I want you to work on both projects.
Me: Uhh...what do you mean?
SK: I want you to work one hour on project A, then one hour on project B, then one hour on project A...
Me: ...

I gradually became convinced that he had dropped too much acid in the 60s and blown out most of his brain cells.

Here's another conversation:

Me: Okay, here's the design for the website you asked for.
SK: Great. Put X on this project:
Me: Uhhh, X is a DSP programmer doing voice compression algorithms, not an HTML person.
SK: And your point is?

While I was working at R, I coined the phrase, "There is no upper bound on stupidity."

Another conversation:

SK: The smartcard division wants us to build full-featured smartcard. How long will it take?
Me: Well, what do they want?
SK: Full-featured smartcard
Me: No, but what specific features do they want?
SK: All of them.
Me: ...

It was pointless to have a conversation with him, because he was off in his own little reality which was only partially relevant to our reality.

Here's an example:

SK: The funding party wants us to use hardware debugger to build debugger for Linux.
Me: That would be a bad idea, because it would be really ugly. The hardware debugger would need to look at the MMU tables and look at the process list. It's much better to do it from within the OS.
SK: So how long would it take:
Me: We're not doing this project.
SK: Do you have even a rough estimate?
Me: We're not doing this project.
SK: How long for an initial prototype?
Me: We're not doing this project.
SK: A proof of concept would be good.
Me: We're not doing this project.
SK: What programmer can we put on this project?
Me: (walks out the door in disgust)
...
(30 minutes later)
SK: I need to have answer by 6 pm because I need to send email to funding party.
Me: (ignores SK)

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