So in my one mistaken job as a full-time programmer...because when you hire a
sysadmin, that's the same thing, right?
Doing a phone IVR system for BCBS of MA....
Me: "Okay, so now for setting up Q and Z, I have this nice routine that lets you do
it with two presses on the keypad, so A is 21, B is 22, etc."
Dumbass, aka Client:" We have this (horribly stupid routine that took four times as
long and was buggy) that you have to use."
Me: "Well Liz, I see a problem here, it doesn't allow for Q or Z inputs."
Dumbass: "We don't have anyone with those letters in their name"
Me: "In the entire state of Massachusetts, (which has a VERY large Asian
population, and they like Q), no BCBS customer has, nor ever will have those
letters in their name?"
Dumbass: "No, and I'm very offended that you're questioning my knowlege of my
Me: "Okaaaay, so well use your system. (but i had my routine in there, just not
being accessed. I was going to have to do it anyway."
so we get the test data...and the FIRST FREAKIN' NAME had a damned Q in it.
I show this to my partner in crime, and we start taking bets on how long it's going
to take for my phone to ring...she won.
Me: "Hi Liz, what's up?"
Dumbass: "Your program is broken, I can't search by name, I thought had done
Me: "Hey Liz, what's the first letter of the last name?"
Me: "Didn't you tell me that you don't have any customers with those letters, and
never would, so I should use your code, which I'm doing, so that I don't "waste
time" coding for impossibilties?"
Dumbass: "Um...can you fix it?"
Me: "Can i fix your problem? Sure. But, as per the change management in the
contract, you'll have to submit that request in writing, along with the reasons why,
and both parties need to sign off on it."
Dumbass: "But that will take days, and I need to have this tested today!"
Me: "Or, I can fix it in 20 seconds, but you have to buy me lunch and apologize to
my boss for what you said to him about me and my lack of talent."
Dumbass: 'But that's humiliating."
Me: "So's getting fired for being arrogant and egotistical. I told you this wouldn't
work, i explained why, and I would have saved major time had you allowed me to
do this the right way. But you kinda crapped on me to my boss, and that was
humiliating to me. So now, you have to make my stepped-on toes feel better."
Dumbass: "Okay...make the change."
Me: "I just did it, you should be good to go."
I was quitting the consultancy anyway, so I was deep into "I don't give a fuck" -