Total Stupid Comments : 8391
Top 20 Stupid Client Quotes
Quotes must have at least 20 votes to be eligible for the Top 20.
1 blimblam #8383 | Rating: 4.93
Working with a Client with Remote Desktop Issues:
Client: "I've been remoting into my computer for 15 years and I've
never had to have my computer on to remote into it!"
2 Tech_Guy #7569 | Rating: 4.72
I work in a large ELECTRONICS store. As in, we don't carry cloths, or pet supplies, or food. Just electronics and their related peripherals.
My job is not to answer phones, but to sell computers.
However, one of our employees that answers the phones called out sick, and I decided to help cover while his replacement came into the store.
At least 5 times during 2 hours I was answering the phone, someone called and asked for the electronics department.
I kindly explain that we are an electronics store, and offer to help them locate a product or if they would like to give me an idea of what they are looking for (ie, a computer, tv, a movie, etc) I can transfer them to the respective department.
One customer that I explained this to, did not like my answer. So she hung up, and called back, obviously expecting to get someone else.
When I answered, she muttered something about the line must have gotten cut off, and hung up again.
This cycle repeated itself 12 times before she finally gave up.
About an hour after this, the replacement came in, and I went back to selling computers. Not 20 min. later, a very loud and angry woman came in. She was upset that the person answering the phone couldn't just transfer her to the electronics department, so she had to drive all the way in.
Turns out she wanted a computer that we hadn't had in stock for 3 days, and weren't due to get for another 3 days. A simple answer I could have provided her over the phone in 30 seconds.
3 jasstrump #6785 | Rating: 4.71
A client _who has a past due balance_ is talking about one of HIS clients:
"If they can't afford to pay me, then they shouldn't have contracted me in the first place!"
Footnote: He lives on the Upper East Side of Manhattan (one of the wealthiest zip codes in the US) and my bill is equal to less than one week of his rent. I'm switching to retainers from now on.
4 mylifeisaclientcopia #6812 | Rating: 4.71
Just one example of a conversation that's ended the same way, so many times...
"My anti-spyware program deleted a virus from my computer, and now I can't connect to the internet anymore!"
"Ok. Let me have you click Start, then Run, then type cmd, and then click ok. Now, in the black and white box that opens up, type in, 'netsh winsock reset catalog', and then press enter."
"It's telling me I have to reboot my computer."
"Ok, go ahead and reboot."
After the reboot...
"Oh, hey, actually, nevermind, somehow it just connected back up to the internet on it's own. Huh, that's weird. You're not going to charge me for this, are you??"
5 Kolino #6852 | Rating: 4.71
So i was a seasonal employee at best buy (BOO) up untill a few days ago. This actually happened to me twice as i was selling a laptop.
Cust- So tis computer comes with a charger right?
Cust- but i dont have internet...
Me- ok... and..
Cust- well i cant charge the laptop without the internet right?
6 westfork #7071 | Rating: 4.71
I'm working with a local non-profit that is looking for a new
I quoted them a rock bottom, give it away price and sent our
standard hosting contract... This was in the reply from their
"I'm also not sure why you would be creating the contract when
we would be paying you. Usually when we are paying someone
else for a service, if there is a contract to be made, we make
Man, would I love to see the contracts they wrote and got the
phone, cell phone and cable companies to sign...
7 JK #7151 | Rating: 4.71
I've been working as a contractor for a public sector client for a few years now. I work from home and get asked to come on site for meeting now and then. I'd not been to the clients office for 4 months (due to my wife having a baby) when the client called me for an urgent meeting. I help build their website and they basically have a pattern where the manager in charge of the site only lasts 5-6 months then they leave and get replaced. I and the IT team have been there years so this is quite comical to us.
The meeting was basically called because they had just changed managers and the new manager wanted to get the site updated ASAP. So I turn up early for the meeting IT turn up and another contractor turns up but no manager. Over an hour and a half later the manager turns up (it was only a 2 hour meeting).
She storms into the room sits at the head of the table and launches into a speech taken straight out of a motivational management hand book basically repeating how she needs us to help her reach the organisations goals and how she cant do it without us all the time swinging her arms and being quite forceful.
After the motivational speech we start going though the updates for the site all of which where commissioned by the last manager 4 months before. I start explaining what each update will change on the site and what it will allow people to do. For nearly every update she says what a load of crap, who authorised that?, drop it we dont need it, etc. Basically everything Ive done for the last 4 months gets dropped in 20 minutes of meeting by a person thats probably only been in the job 2 days.
Normally I would have been upset by all this but as Ive already been paid Ive decided the only way to keep my sanity to relax and not panic. In 6 months itll be a new manager and theyll want all this back in and I can charge again. Its good to be a contractor :D
8 danno74 #7301 | Rating: 4.71
In client meeting, getting briefed on the design of an Annual Report.
Client: Now, explain to me what 'layout' means, I just don't get it.
Me: Well, it's the overall visual design of the document.
Client: I still don't get it.
Me: (silence for 5 seconds)... well, it's the design of the document... 'layout' just
means placing all
of the elements on each page so it works visually.
Client: Nope, I still don't get it.
9 kimmo242 #7367 | Rating: 4.71
we just received this on fax...
"hello, we need each of these business cards blown up to a3 size, thanks"
on page two, 5 blurry, unrecognisable black blobs representative of the business cards for us to blow up to the size of an a3 poster, no doubt in colour and perfect quality.
10 clientsarealwayscorrect? #7451 | Rating: 4.71
I have a client who decided he wanted to use some of his own
photography (he is a ironmonger) in his brochure for decorative
fencing. He appears one day with 7 prints and I think to myself
ok, little unusual for a non professional to be using film.
However, when I put the photographs face down in my scanner I
notice they are imprinted on the back with the logo of a well
know instant digital photo printing kiosk, when I ask him if he
has these on a SD card her replies yes but he though it would be
cheaper to go buy the print himself for me to scan than for me
to go and have to print them and charge him extra!
This however is not the end of the tale...
The following day he appears with the SD card and I put in it my
card reader, iPhoto opens and starts to import the
photographs...the photos start innocent enough but quickly tun
into a what can only be described as a pornographic slideshow of
pictures of him and his wife before I manage to yank the card
Now this may sound embarassing enough but my mother happens to
be our book-keeper and sits two desks back with full view of my
11 WMP #7510 | Rating: 4.71
Several years ago I was working as Senior Sales Manager for an international company that had a local office in my town. We had conducted extensive interviews for an office manager and the overseas owner insisted that we hire the mature woman who said she had extensive experience with payroll and Excel. Over the objections of the Vice President and myself, she was hired. Several months into her employment she asked me for some assitance with a spreadsheet. I entered a column of numbers and hit the Sum button to total the column. She said, "How'd you do that?" I said, "Do what?" "How'd you get that total so fast?" "I just pressed the summation button." She had no idea that a spreadsheet was more than just a grid for entering numbers. She entered numbers in the cells and then with an adding machine, did the math and entered the answer into the spreadsheet! Geez. She didn't last much longer and the owner allowed us to make our own hiring decisions after that.
12 Rob #7558 | Rating: 4.71
I worked in a drug store (pharmacy in NZ) printing 1 hour photos through a mini
customer: These photos you just printed for me are blurry. print them again and
do it properly this time.
me: Um.. that means your originals are probably blurry, we can't fix this sorry,
leave the prints if you like and there will be no charge.
customer: They were fine when I took them.
me: Can I have a look at your camera?
I find picture in camera, zoom in and show the customer how blurry her photo is
and tell her there is nothing my computer or printer can do to fix this.
Customer goes and complains to the shop supervisor. I get told off for not
ordering and installing software that can fix blurry photos.
13 Evm #7627 | Rating: 4.71
Quite a few years ago my mother worked at a law firm and became their computer technical support for the less savvy secretaries.
She was called down to one computer that sat on a desk you could barely find under all the paper. The secretary was complaining that the mouse didn't work anymore.
Mum restarts the computer, checks its plugged in etc... until she realizes that the mouse lead is moving too freely.
After clearing off the desk she discovers that the secretary managed to catch the mouse lead whilst hole punching some papers and had hole punched right through it.
14 Rod #7639 | Rating: 4.71
Years ago I was working in the analytical dep't of a large chemical company. Young hot-shot engineer comes in with some contaminated product... what is the contaminant? I did a few tests and confirmed that it was iron.
Engineer... No, it can't be. The whole process is made of steel!
15 leafonline #7675 | Rating: 4.71
Client: Do you have any suggestions for an eco-friendly card???
My reply: You can certainly ask our rep about paper choices that are FSC certified, or at the very least recycled. There are a lot more choices today than ever before. Also, you can ask to have them printed using soy-based inks, which contain significantly less volatile organic compounds (VOCs) than traditional printing inks.
Client: Actually I think my boss is just looking for colors on the card to be eco, not the ink or the card...
My silent scream came after I read that.
16 Amanda #7689 | Rating: 4.71
I work as an assistant to some system admins and usually end up fixing staff machines with viruses. Someone comes in one day carrying a tower.
Client: "Hey, uh, can anyone here fix this?"
Me: "Yeah, sure thing. What's wrong with it?"
Client: "I don't know. Probably a virus or something, keeps popping up ads and stuff."
Me: "All right, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Is there a password on the machine?"
Client: "Listen, is there someone else who could fix this?"
Me: "No, sir, both of my bosses are busy this week and my coworkers have other assignments."
Client: "Well are you sure?"
Me: "..yes. Everyone else is busy."
Client: "Ok. I'll bring it back later. I want, you know, a guy to fix it."
Guess later my boss told him to deal with whatever was wrong with his computer. :)
17 JammyKing #7771 | Rating: 4.71
A while back while working as a systems developer at a local council I was given the task of being the department test case for the new PC systems they had decided to role out. Now most people only need a machine which can access email and type letters so simple pcs are really all they need. As I am required to compile code, access backend databases generally run 8 applications all at once I was expecting something with bit more power. Nope I get a slightly higher spec then the basic machine plus the machine is so locked up with the various security rules they had implemented that I couldnt install the applications I needed to do my job.
I called over the tech guy and explained I couldnt work on this PC as it was missing the required software. I had the disks but I didnt have the permissions to install it. His answer "tough thats the rules and we cant change them just cause youre a developer". So I inquired how I was to perform my job if I did not have the software I needed. His answer "not my problem". At which point I decided it was pointless arguing so I got the morning paper out of my bag leaned back in my chair with my feet up on the desk and read the paper. The guy was in total shock. About 10 seconds later my manager walked past and seeing my rather relaxed manor asked what was going on. After a quick explanation that I cant do my job and all I can do is read the paper it took about 10 minutes before the unchangeable rules got changed.
18 unlogy #7797 | Rating: 4.71
Many years ago, my dad who was the building engineer of a major metropolitan hospital, got a late night call about a broken refrigerator on one of the wards.
My dad was on call 24 hours a day, responsible for the major HVAC systems in the building and he seemed to be the guy to call when anything broke anywhere in the hospital; not his job butâ€¦.
He told the nurse to remove the food from the refrigerator and he would have it looked at in the morning. A ward refrigerator was not an emergency.
On his arrival in the morning the day nurse gave my dad an earful about all the meds in the fridge going bad. My dad looked her in the eye and politely went on to explain that he didnâ€™t and wouldnâ€™t know what was in a particular fridge on a hospital ward, and that if the nurse didnâ€™t have the sense to move the meds, maybe she shouldnâ€™t be working in this particular hospital.
19 pookie bear #7815 | Rating: 4.71
I work at a webdesign company and we've had some real idiot clients through the years.
One that's still fresh in my mind is the owner of a company calling and *SCREAMING* at us saying that she cannot access her website on the internet and this after we've told her that it has gone live. She was really angry, very rude and calling us a bunch of liers and scammers.
We checked the website, typing in the URL (their company name) and everything is working. Then someone asks her to spell to us exactly what she is typing in the address bar.
Lo and behold, turns out she was spelling her own company name wrong...
She threw the phone down in our ears without an apology...
20 papabear #7880 | Rating: 4.71
I help setup computers for people who cannot afford to get shops to do so.
I setup 2 machines (desktop units, not mini towers) for a friend of my ex, and she took them home.
Later my ex calls me and asks me to talk to her. It seems that to her, the CD drive was installed upside down. The other computer was just fine. After a bit of quizzing, her USB connection was upside down as well. She finally got the point that the ENTIRE machine was upside down.
I have had people do strange things to their machines, but with 2 identical machines, turning one of them upside down and not realizing it is a new one for me!